Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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