This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
one might say we're banned from that church
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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