Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
