Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize