i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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