I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
