Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
