Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
