The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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