miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
