You're my little dorito
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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