Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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