Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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