Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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