Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
