I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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