I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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