We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
