I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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