Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
