there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
