oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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