dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
