you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
