I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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