a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
