Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
