please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
