I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
