he puts the penis in happiness.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
