my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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