But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
