Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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