alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
