That's intense
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize