I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my poor anus
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
