So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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