sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
