I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no, he came in my armpit
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You dont lie about slip and slides
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
