JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
