Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So drunk its hurt
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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