census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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