She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
