My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
