i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
