Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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