Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
