my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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