Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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