You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
