yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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