i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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