my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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