are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
