never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
