I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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