I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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