also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
