We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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