i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
