we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize