im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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