I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
