i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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