Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
