we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
