she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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