shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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