considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
